Winning the Lottery

One of the better advice I've heard given to me before I leave...

Metaphorically, it is like winning the lottery, if you don't buy the ticket, you can't win; therefore you need to try even if there is a very slim chance!

Busy Busy Busy

The post exam period has been extremely hectic for me, and my housemate can vouch that I have rarely been at home for the most part.

Anyway, arrived back from Nice/Cannes/Monaco yesterday and am playing in the Irish Squash Intervarsities today and tomorrow.

Your prayers are kindly requested as I begin my apostolic visit to the United States of America from Feb 2-10. The schedule will be published soon...

In your kindness, your thoughts are also requested for a close friend who has had a recent bereavement, and also for a priest-friend as he begins his tenure in a new parish.

That's it for now...

This evening...

I have been unable to recommence studying for my next paper....

The hype about Krukenberg tumours aka fibrosarcoma ovarii mucocellulare carcinomatodes (for those of you who know about my fascination with latin) is all over facebook and the chat rooms, but it is not this that actually bothers me.

The time is now 10.30pm, 6 1/2 hours after we finished our last paper, and I lie here on my bed pondering where time how the time has gone past so quickly... It hasnt felt like 6 1/2 hours.

Neither has it felt like 2 1/2 years... with each passing minute the realisation that my time here is about to end haunts me. It is as though Lou Gehrig's is slowly paralyzing me leg upwards, letting me know that death is near at hand, but taking it's time to slowly crawl up to my lungs, where it will suffocate me. Thus, as each day passes, so too am I reminded of my limited time left here (currently 44 days).

And yet, as though one prepared to die, prepared to "go to the Father's house"- a vision of heaven awaits. I too have to admit that I do have some sense of joy to be going home, to be amongst my friends and family once again... in a familiar environment, doing the things I have enjoyed doing since my childhood days, eating at my favourite stalls, visiting my favourite sites...

Oh well, quoting Cicero:

“Saepe ne utile quidem est scire quid futurum sit”

...it may not be wise sometimes to know the future

An unusual post- a rant!!!

There is probably no other test in med school where you are told the content that is being examined, the details of how you will be examined, the actual marking sheet, and also be given the EXACT details of the content if you bothered to attend.

Even if you did not attend, you could just copy it from a friend- as it is going to be examined.

You are given MULTIPLE reminders- the TOSCE cases will be taken from you weekly module cases.

Yet, people choose to ignore this fact.

It reminds me of a chinese saying- 不听老人言， 吃亏在眼前. For those of you who do not understand mandarin, it's english equivalent is "if the old dog barks, he gives counsel". However, it's literal translation is more rich, when it actually states that if you do not listen to advice given, then your loss is right in front of your eyes.

Anyway, if I was the examiner, I would have failed everyone else in my group. It may seem harsh, but it's a fair fact.

If you had read the 15 cases you had (10 considering the fact that 5 had been used the previous day):

-You would have known right from the first question "What is your name?" - John Smith, that it was the exact same history as what you received for the module case titled "Renal calculi"

- You would have known the problems he has, and ask the relevant questions

- You would have been reminded that there are 10 questions you need to ask if a patient presents with pain

- You would have been alerted to the fact that you would need to ask questions related to the urinary system.

- You would have known been told what the investigations were for a renal calculi, including the use of the word "modality"

- You would have learned the different types of stones that present in the kidney

- You would have learned what kind of imaging you would use

- You would have come across how to treat this problem, both if it is big and small.

- You would not have looked blankly at the examiner as though you had a thyroid gaze!!!

If you had been to the ward tutorials:

-You would have been reminded that you need to wash your hands with the gel provided

-You neeed to ask the patient if he has any pain before you touch him

-You will have learned that there are 8 groups of lymph nodes in the cervical region and 5 in the axillary area, and you would have learned how to feel for them!!!

- You would have been told to practice eliciting a reflex, and how to properly position yourself so that you can actually swing the hammer without any problem!!!

And if you had been to the "Mock" Exam, you would have been given the EXACT mark sheet used, so that you could practice the tasks itinerised on it!!!!

SO if you didnt do the above, then you deserve to fail, but please, please do not involve ME in the process, do not pull my grades down because of your incompetence!!!

IF I have never seen you in class before, then you should fail your exams! Medicine isn't a distance learning course, if it was, I wouldn;t be here!!!

IF you are repeating the year, I expect you to at least know something, so that you will be able to pass this time round, instead of failing again!!!

IF you show upat 8.55am- 5 minutes before the exams, demanding to attend it, when you were given notice to be there at 8.30am, then you shouldn't be allowed to sit it!!!

n.b. I am not without flaw, but at least I take advice that is given, and I do my best- the rest is up to God and to fate. All I ask is that you do the same- take some advice, take this advice!!!

The Plan (Updated 07.01.09)

Sic gloria transit mundi

And so the countdown begins... 55 53 days left in Dublin.

The plan is currently looking like this:

January 5- 20 - Study and sit for the IC2 exams
January 27-29 - Nice & Monaco
January 30 - Squash Intervarsities, Dublin
February 2-10 - USA (pending visa)
February 5-10 - Strasbourg (backup- pending USA)
February 12 - Shift out of my apartment
February 13-18- UK
February 15 - Knock
February 22 - Knock
February 18-24 - UK
February 25 - Il Divo concert, Dublin
March 1 - Second Vespers of 1st Sunday of Lent, Penang

March 16- St. Patrick's Day Parade, Dublin PMC Orientation, Penang


Nonetheless, these are just plans, plans by me, which are subject to change, depending on the season, the circumstances and on the big G above... so watch out for some changes...


*to everything a season, a time and a place*

Here's what I've done during my study "breaks"

1. Looked up the possibility of a flight upgrade for my imminent departure.
2. Searched for a suitable location for a PADI license when I get back.
3. Mulled over attending the Il Divo concert in Dublin come Feb 25.
4. Got hooked onto Amateur Transplants and am considering flying to London to watch them perform. Also spent a lot of time watching their YouTube videos.
5. Checked FB after each lecture
6. Checked WL, JK, AK and Whispers every other 3 lectures
7. Checked BBC, CNN, Malaysiakini, theStar, IHT, Independent every other 3 lectures
8. Stalked the PMC website, researching into my future lecturers
9. Updated myself on RCSI's international projects- esp in Nigeria (yes, Nigeria!!)
10.Gone through RCSI-MUB's webpage
11.Tried rekindling bonds with people I have lost touch with via email.
12.Looked up my former teachers online and their current schools in Bangkok, Geneva, Hanoi etc.
13. Tried answering really weird questions on my US Visa Application Forms, including listing ALL the countries I have visited in the past 10 years and the year of visit!

...When I run out of things to do, I'll check out online shopping at GAP and American Apparel, and send the stuff to my friends in the USA for pickup next month.

The worst part of studying...

... is not studying but the solitude of studying.

stupidity

Mark: Some people are just so stupid!!!
Robbie: What do you mean some, MOST people are...

I've never had these feelings before...

Even when I was preparing for my SPM and leaving SXI or preparing for the IB and leaving Uplands...

Why am I so confused emotionally and physically this time round, preparing for the IC2 exams and leaving RCSI???

You know time is running out when...

...the people around you start talking about where to stay in Penang, which groups they want to be in, people talk about spending quality time with you before you leave, and when you start looking at your calendar and try to identify what you will be doing next March...

time is running out.

Marina Del Rey

According to Moodle, my IP address tracks me down to Marina Del Rey.... :S

More like Max

I met Max today at mass, and am glad to report that he is still his usual old self. How I wish some of my lecturers were more like Max, in ways more than one.

p.s. the horse whisperer was there too...

Holding back

I was waiting for the 16A bus yesterday when someone barged into me from behind when the bus arrived. I was almost going to shout at the guy, but luckily held back because there were other RCS-ians around- as it turns out, they were a couple of autistic people out on a trip with their minders!

Sometimes we should just hold back our thoughts...

Voting Guidelines

In view of the upcoming Student Union elections, I thought it appropriate to compile a list of my thoughts into a checklist so that people can go through it before voting.

Voting is a democratic process where the represented population choose a representative/s to represent them in a leadership task. It is the right of the represented population to vote, and to vote for what they deem to be right rather than being most beneficial to them. Voters need to be informed in order to vote. Here is a list of 20 questions that I THINK need to be addressed before you vote.

1. Who constitutes the team? Why were they chosen?
2. What are the motives of those standing for election?
3. What have they done in the past?
4. What do you expect them to do if they are elected?
5. What will they do if they are elected?
6. Will each member be able to finish their term in office and at the end of it fulfill their manifesto?
7. What are the plans of each team? Do certain people stand to benefit from it?
8. Are the plans short-termed or long-termed?
9. Is there an ulterior motive for formulating some of the plans?
10. Have the plans been formulated after careful consideration? Or are they there to woo in the votes?
11. Do you think that the plans will be realised during the team's term in office?
12. Do any of the plans the team has go against your conscience?
13. Do you think the team voted in will be able to get the support they need?
14. Do you think the team you vote for will be able to make a difference?
15. Are you being influenced to vote based on your emotions?
16. If yes, why? Is this relevant?
17. Do you stand to gain anything if a particular team is voted in?
18. Will the team you vote for listen to your grouses and concern?
19. Are you being influenced to vote based on who your friends are voting for?
20. If yes, WHY? Each vote should be an informed vote.

Voting is your right, voting is your RESPONSIBILITY. Every vote counts.
Vote for the team that you think has the right reasons. Do not be shortchanged.

Disclaimer: This checklist is not an official document. However, the author has tried to be as objective as possible when compiling it, but there may still be some elements of biasness and/or errors. Think and absorb only what you deem appropriate to yourself.

Grads prefer to stay on overseas...

This article in this mornings newspaper caught my eyes, not only because I am involved indirectly but also because we were just discussing it over dinner last Friday and the officials refused to disclose the figures only for their boss to leak it out a week later...

PUTRAJAYA: More and more medical students sent abroad to study on government scholarships, many costing more than a million ringgit each, are breaking their 10-year bond by refusing to return and serve in public hospitals.

“This is a sore point with us. In 2006, 21 medical students in Britain did not return. Last year, the number was 63. For those studying in Ireland, three students did not come back in 2006 while last year, 27 did not return,” said Human Capital Development division director Datin Madinah Mohamad.

She said these students cost the Government up to RM1.1mil each in funding for the five-year course.

“The number has been steadily increasing each year since 2003. The excuse these undergraduates often give is that they want to do their two-year housemanship over there and continue with sub-specialisation courses.

“But when they do so, they may then get employed and become eligible for registration in Britain. With the pay they are getting there, it’s highly unlikely they will come back and serve here,” she said in an interview here yesterday.

Since 2003, 145 students from Britain and 85 from Ireland have not come back. However, only three from Russia, two from Jordan and one from Japan failed to return.

Another reason many students chose to stay back could have been due to PSD’s perceived lenient treatment of such students in the past and a paltry penalty of RM160,000 each before 2003, she said.

“It encouraged undergraduates, who have seen many of their seniors being let off, to follow suit,” she said.

Although the department had officers in Britain and Ireland to track down errant medical students, some in the last year of studies ignored notices and others did not bother to show up when called for interviews.

She said tougher measures were needed to make them come back and serve or pay their bond.

The department was now seriously considering suggestions to make errant students repay twice or thrice the sum of their scholarships as punishment.

“We need to study this recommendation,” she said, adding the department had also handed 30 such cases since 1989 to the Attorney-General’s Chambers for legal action and had even declared one former student bankrupt.

But legal action was slow and guarantors would be taken to court only as the last resort, she said.

Since PSD’s Overseas Scholarship Programme started in 2000, RM2.15bil in scholarships had been given to 10,485 students up to the end of last year. Sim Leoi Leoi.

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Open letter to PMCSA : We're not animal u know..

"the malays won't contribute".. "the malays always stick among themselves only, ".. "why did u come here? U should've stayed in Malaysia"..

And more complaints every year. Every damn year, when the malays refused to join any entertainment program where alcohol (read: liquor) is involved.

And the same society without fail will try to defame PPIMI when this issue arises. Now, let me make this clear, once and for all. So this matter won't rise again in the future.

First of all, we the muslims are not against any entertainment. Well, u can see from the fact that the highest voters in Akademi Fantasia and Malaysian Idols are the Malays. We also had MASAI organized last year. So that's clear. But as a muslim, we have rules on entertainment coz we're not animal u know.Human follow rules.

One rule is that the functions or gigs should not involve drugs and/or alcohol or associate with the company who sponsored it (the drugs and/or alcohol). Because alcohol and drugs (illicit one) are considered as major sins in Islam. So, please respect that. If u keen on getting us to join your programs, please respect our boundaries. Well, if u want us badly, u should follow our rules. Period.

`The malays just stay with their own kind.. they won't mix with international people.

What do I think about that statement? Well, that's bullshit. We, Malaysian muslims through many societies have organized many international events and will continue to do so. Say FOSIS, IMAM and PPIMI. We organized hundreds of international events. And guess what? The PMCSA people are hardly seen in any of the functions.

Let me give u an example, in the upcoming IMAM sympo. How many PMCSA members (if they exist) have registered? If u remember recently I've announced on the China project, and till today I've never received any applications from those "enthusiastic" non-malays who always keen on doing things internationally.

Now, tell me. Who actually is the sheep in the city? Who actually is sticking with their own kind? Just because we don't join your lame programs suddenly we are not mixing with the society? And your so-called international program, what was it again?

Muhamad Najmi Nadzir

p.s. On March 1, I wrote an article titled When a small decision hits the front page
p.s. To comment on this issue please visit a similar post on the PMCSA RCSI blog.

New Beginnings...

I am still awake at 3am, lying on my bed in a hostel somewhere in Madrid.
I can't sleep... there is too much to think about...

Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of Lent, was celebrated a couple of days ago. I was privileged to attend mass at Madrid's Almudena Cathedral celebrated by the Archbishop, His Eminence Antonio Maria Cardinal Ruoco Varela and his 3 auxillary bishops.

Ash Wednesday also marks the liturgical anniversary of my decision to revive this blog.

I have yet to decide on what I will do for this lent, or where I will be celebrating Holy Week, hopefully some inspiration will appear soon...

My exam results came out yesterday afternoon, and I am contented with my results so far, except for the H1 in Clinical Competencies that continues to elude me...

The results of the dissertation prizes were also announced yesterday, and I must say I was disappointed not to be mentioned...

With that, I have ended the Junior Cycle and come Monday, will enter into the Intermediate Cycle of this Medical Course...

A new beginning, for everyone, a new level playing field to fight, and I have decided that I may just join the race...

I have 2 more days to go before returning to Dublin from a 17 day break, that has brought me to Strasbourg, Mt. St. Odille, Barcelona, Monserrat, Valencia, Santiago de Compostela, Porto and Madrid... It has been a good holiday and I have much to blog about, so look out.

Meanwhile, why is it that I feel sad when I start thinking about what I am meant to do in life. Shouldn't I be happy I know what it is? I have my goals and aims, but maybe it's because they are too far in the future??

Lead Kindly Light

After possibly the most disastrous start I have had to any exam, I found some consolation in this, one of my favourite songs...

Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom,
lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
the distant scene; one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou
shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
pride ruled my will: remember not past years!

So long thy power hath blessed me, sure it still
will lead me on.
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
the night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!

JOHN HENRY NEWMAN, 1833

As a young priest, John Newman became sick while in Italy and was unable to travel for almost three weeks. In his own words:

Before starting from my inn, I sat down on my bed and began to sob bitterly. My servant, who had acted as my nurse, asked what ailed me. I could only answer, "I have a work to do in England." I was aching to get home, yet for want of a vessel I was kept at Palermo for three weeks. I began to visit the churches, and they calmed my impatience, though I did not attend any services. At last I got off in an orange boat, bound for Marseilles. We were becalmed for whole week in the Straits of Bonifacio, and it was there that I wrote the lines, Lead, Kindly Light, which have since become so well known.

This song was reportedly sung on the Titanic by Marion Wright before it sank in a service led by Reverend Ernest Courtenay Carter.

You can also watch a version of it here:


There had also been news recently in the past week about the possible beatification of Venerable John Henry Newman this year, raised by the Prefect for the Congregation of Saints' Causes, Cardinal Martins...

Hopefully I will still be in Dublin to witness the founder of my parish being declared a blessed...

The Real CC Saga, and why I am and should be frustrated...

This was the first email I sent:

From: Mark Kiak Min Tan
Sent: Thu 11/22/2007 12:27 AM
To: Dr. XY
Subject: CC Revision Classes

Hi Dr. XY,

My name is Mark and I am currently in JC3. My CC group is group 11 with Dr. D.

As you may well know, we finished our last CC class for the term today, and we were told that for our OSCE exams, content from last years classes as well as this years will be examinable.

Anyway, I spoke to Dr. D about this and she said that she would be perfectly happy to give us a couple of extra practice classes (formal or informal) if we needed to, but she said she would need your approval for it as not all tutors may be willing to do so.

This is a private arrangement which she is happy to help out in if you agree to allowing it. It will not take place during Dr. D's scheduled clinical teaching hours in RCSI or during any of our class times. It will also be on a voluntary basis, and no one in the group will be forced to come if they do not want to, but I am sure that attendance will be quite good for this if it does happen.

As such, I hope that you will give your approval for this to happen.

Also, it would be good if you could provide some information about our OSCE exams for JC3. So far, all that we have been told is that the case studies which are examinable are from JC3 but the clinical stations can be anything from JC1,2 or 3. We have had no information about how many stations there will be, what each station will be examining, what happens with the CCCI lectures we receive, and also the timing for each station and other details like that.

Thank you very much & I look forward to hearing from you.

Warmest regards,
Mark Tan

I NEVER got a reply, so I sent another email:

From: Mark Kiak Min Tan
Sent: Wed 11/28/2007 2:04 PM
To: Dr. XY
Cc: Dr. D
Subject: FW: CC Revision Classes

HI Dr. XY,

I am attaching the email that I sent last Thursday, of which I have yet to receive a reply.

I am just resending it in case you did not receive it. Hopefully you will be to give a quick reply as I do not foresee much time available if we delay for much longer.

Thank you very much,

Regards,
Mark Tan

This time she DID reply, but with a negative:

Dear Mark,

I received your email, with thanks. I had to review this issue with DR. C before replying. As we are unable to provide additional tuition for the full class, these extra sessions cannot be permitted. We appreciate Dr. D's commitment, and are very grteful for her commitment to the programme. All teaching must be standardised, as I am sure you can understand.

I hope this answers your query,

Kind regards

I replied:

Hi Dr. XY,

Thanks for that quick reply. I do understand that it is hard to organise a whole class revision session, but in the light that we are being tested on content from previous semesters in addition to confusion with the course this term, no thanks to room changes and also to lack of equipment, I think that we should be entitled to a session where we can raise our doubts and queries. I do understand that teaching has to be standardised but what we are requesting for approval of a private initiative by the students of the group, who have a demonstrator who is agreeable to our request to conduct a review lesson, and not for the coordinators of this course to organised a whole class revision session.

You have also not addressed the other issue I mentioned in the email regarding the structure of the OSCE exams for JC3. I feel that we should have been given information about this earlier, as with all the other exams, so that we have adequate preparation. Without this information, which even the demonstrators have no idea about, I feel that we have not been sufficiently prepared for the course and exam and is another reason why we feel we need a review session. Would it be possible for you to explain the structure of the OSCE exams for JC3?

Thank you very much.

To which she replied with the most stupid statements:

Dear Mark,

I am unsure as to how some room changes, of which students were informed well in advance of the classes, (I check Moodle every day, at an average of a 3 hourly basis, and I was caught off guard once with the room changes) could affect the delivery of the course content. I would appreciate if you could clarify what you mean by "confusion with the course", (my group did not have a video taping device for one of the session, and when we got one for the next, it had no memory; we had non patient for another session and Dr.XY herself had to step in as the patient; during my first session I was not able to log into Moodle to sign in for the session; we were supposed to get the same tutor for the whole semester, but during our last session this was changed, and the other tutor did not know what to teach, and those are just to name a few...) as I have not received any communication from any students, including yourself, querying this , up until now - I am always available to discuss any issues, but I can't anticipate if uninformed. (I personally approached her regarding the issue of logging in to Moodle for attendance, and if she cannot recall that, I have emails as proof of correspondence, I am sure other students went to see her also, and if they didn't it's because they didn't know who she was, or where to find her, because she does not have an office and her name is not listed as the module coordinator)

I understand that it is a private initiative, but I'm sure you can understand that the rest of the class may feel disgruntled when they cannot avail of such an opportunity.(I am sure they will be, which is why I am writing to you in November, so that you can set up one for the whole class if need be for January, is 2 months not sufficient?) It is unfortunate that this issue is only now brought to my attention - it is usual practice for the class representatives to approach me during the semester, if any additional tuition/classes are requested by the majority of the student body. (At this point, I approached the class reps and they assured me that something would be done...) All such requests are given great consideration by the faculty, and every effort is made to facilitate students, where resources and time allows. (The result of this consideration I will post below, look out for it...)

I have brought your concerns to the attention of Dr. Barry, who is the module coordinator, and to whom such issues should be addressed. Any decisions made on course delivery rest within her remit.

After this fiasco of emails, I emailed the class reps, who assured me that they would bring this matter up with the Junior Cycle Director, and a couple of weeks back, during the Christmas Holidays, I received notice that they had agreed to a tutorial.

The first week of school resumed, and no word of a tutorial was heard. Our OSCE's were to be held the following Thursday and Friday.

Over the weekend, a thread was started asking how many people would be interested in a CC tutorial and a whole bunch of people replied with an affirmative response, and we hoped that our request was being seriously requested.

Anyway, on Monday, we received a strange reply:

Clinical Competencies Revision Session

by Denise O Mara - Monday, 7 January 2008, 03:42 PM

Dear All

A revision session on the clinical competencies content of JC III will be held at 13:00 in the O'Flanagan Lecture Theatre. The format of this session will be Questions & Answers

And one of my classmates posted this up as a reply:

One of the CC ladies (Dr.XY herself) turned up at 1pm in O'Flanagan to give a tutorial and was wondering why no one showed up.

Anyway, I just had to post this because yesterday one of my friends told me that I shoul dbe thankful because this lady was doing us a favour... but that's only because they didn't know the truth, and what happened before that...